“There is a role for emotion”: Difficult conversations in social work

In a seminar at the recent Shared Futures in Social Work conference, Hardeep Sandhu and Emma Porter, Team Managers with Worcestershire County Council, looked at tools to help social workers with challenging conversations.

‘There is a role for emotion in practice,’ Emma Porter said. ‘Every day when you come to work as a social worker some of it will be emotional.’ She added that it is a valuable resource, helping social workers to have meaningful discussions in which people feel respected and listened to.

‘Parents want to do the best for their children and social work needs to come from a place where we understand that.’

‘We work with risk every single day,’ said Hardeep Sandhu. ‘The family is shouting and swearing at you – are they scared, how are they feeling? Are they feeling shame, feeling disempowered? Everyone has seen the social worker coming to their house.’

They said that building relationships was at the centre of strength-based approaches used by professionals to build capacity and resilience and develop people’s potential.

In the last ten years, local authorities have increasingly developed a single relationship and strength-based methodology across children services, to improve practice, provide consistency, and achieve better outcomes for children and families.

Ms Sandhu said, ‘The real key for me is connecting the relationship and feelings they evoke in the parent and feelings that may evoke in you too. And how do you deal with that?

‘We can go in with an agenda of what it is that the social worker thinks needs to be fixed – but you have to beware of your own value-base in that.

‘We have to make sure our interventions are appropriate to the situation. What does “good enough” look like? Dog poo round the home is a problem. But if there’s a sink full of dishes and you like the sink to be tidy -- does it really matter?

‘So how to do it: you need a safe space. There are tools you can access. Planning the conversations, reflection, thinking about how our words could be perceived.’

‘It’s about clarifying facts and triangulating the theory,’ Ms Porter said. ‘If drugs and alcohol are the issue, do we have past experience that is impacting [on our judgment?

‘There is a psychological safety issue to think about too. Often when things go wrong, it turns out that the social worker has been afraid to say “I have too many cases…” or “I don’t know what to do.”’

The toolkit included asking questions of both people involved, including
 why are we having this conversation;
 what is the aim
 what emotions might be triggered
 how does previous experience impact on it
 what choice, agency or control is there

They said that non-violent communication is another vital tool – it allows people to empathise, engage with those who might feel an intervention is unjust, and helps practitioners reflect, observe and step back.

They concluded with real examples from people with lived experiences of what they wanted from social workers:
 Recall important info about me
 Show you care – listen
 Do what you say you will do.
 Don’t assume I am angry. Ask me – I may be passionate about something, not angry